Driving down the merritt parkway, on my way to see family, there were two dead deer lying in the shoulder of the road. Hundreds of cars sped past them while their bodies lay there on the pavement.
A few months before, my friend Dru showed me a book of animal totems. The chapter on deer tells the Lakota story about a fawn who heard Wakan Tanka (Great Spirit) calling from the top of Sacred Mountain. Unbeknownst to the fawn, the top of the mountain was guarded by a demon. When the fawn eventually came across the demon, it gently asked to pass instead of exhibiting fear and fleeing. The fawn’s compassion melted the demon away and opened up sacred mountain for all. The book reads: “Deer teaches us to use the power of gentleness to touch the hearts and minds of wounded beings who are trying to keep us from Sacred Mountain”.
Today these creatures of gentleness are struck and left lifeless on the road- “roadkill”. There are endless blogs and articles on the topic of roadkill- strategies for prevention and removal vary state by state. ‘Treehugger’ states a traditional practice to remove roadkill is to drag their bodies into the woods so that they can decompose, but according to NJ Department of Transportation the more customary practice is for their bodies to be brought to a landfill or incinerated.
My childhood home in New Jersey was on a long, straight country road between two towns. People leaned on the horn for the entirety of our road at 6 am to scare away the deer so they could drive fast and get to work. Despite these obnoxious precautions, deer were still struck. The scene of a lifeless animal’s body on the side of the road is so frequent it does not seem to startle anyone. We just drive past- on our way to work or school or an important errand.
Have we become to busy that we’ve completely lost any sense of responsibility or care to our immediate surroundings? Probably. Definitely. Back on the merritt parkway, I drove by not one but two dead deer. No safe area to pull off on the busy road. How was I going to lift these huge carcasses alone? Where would I put them? I was in a rush to see my niece and nephew. I can’t be the aunt who shows up with two decomposing deer in her CR-V. The best I could do was the sign of the cross on my chest. But I think it was more for myself, out of guilt. I did nothing and now I’m writing about it.
Deer hold spiritual significance across many traditions. In the Jātaka tales, Buddha is reincarnated into a deer. In Thai Buddhism, the deer is an early symbol of peace, harmony, and serenity, as well as sensitivity and watchfulness. In iron age Celtic imagery, the Gundestrup Cauldron depicts the god Cernunnos seated next to a stag, adorned in antlers. In Cherokee culture, white-tailed deer are considered good luck. It goes on, but the recurring theme is that deer are regarded for their gentle spiritual authority.
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A few years ago, at age 27, I was driving on a mountain pass through the San Juans with my friend Isabelle. She told me what certain animals symbolize. “If you see a deer, that is good luck.” Her spiritual medium told her this and now she was telling me.
In the San Juans, the mule deer are the main players, rather than the white tailed deer I grew up with. They’re known for their giant ears- hence the name mule. The human reaction to deer in the San Juans was pretty similar to east coast frustrations - due to their early morning get-togethers on treacherous mountain passes and their backyard feasting. Their antlers are a trending decor due to their yearly shedding. I learned that the antler is the fastest growing tissue on any mammal, growing an inch every two days. My boss at the local coffee shop told me mule bucks will pick up your dog with their antlers and toss them. Out of disbelief, I googled “mule buck attack dog” and found it to be true enough. From then on, I gingerly gave the mule deer a wide berth with my 75 pound german shepherd mix.
The white tailed deer is common sight in New Jersey where I grew up. Many argue “too common” due to their tendency to snack on gardens. As a kid, whenever an adult complained about a deer eating their plants, I was secretly glad the deer got a nice meal. I never understood the frustration with a creature that just wanted to move about and find some food. Maybe it was easy for me to side with the deer because I had never nurtured my own garden. Even so, they’re beautiful and majestic. And I’m a softie for cute animals. As an adult it still feels better to take the side of animals when the frustration towards them often stems from capitalist, western concepts around time, borders, and money.
After the recent flooding in Vermont, I pulled off an exit and saw a mother and fawn. The mother looked at my car and guarded the fawn from crossing the road while I drove. The night before, I was watching a PBS documentary about deer and it talked about how the young are careless near the road, but the elder are cautious and signal when to cross. Deer have complex signalling systems, and let each other know when there is danger. I hope this road-awareness trait evolves fast and less deer are struck. I hope a lot of things. Some feel too idealistic, utopian, romantic to share.
Deer exist on the fringes- between the wild world and the human world. This habitat known as “the edge”- where farms meet the forest. This is not the only edge deer exist within. The edge of the road is where a lot of growth is due less tree coverage and more sunlight. The edge of the day is when they emerge- between dusk and dawn, making them crepuscular creatures. 100 years ago, there were less than one million deer in North America- today there are about 30 million. While human clearing harmed other species, it helped the deer.
My friend (also talented designer & photographer) Jackson Hallberg conducted a project photographing the deer on Fire Island in 2020-21. They wound up there when the Lond Island sound froze over in the mid 1800s. Jackson would wake up at 4 am to create images of the crepuscular creatures. His caption on instragram reads:
Their presence is contentious; they threaten the island’s ecosystem by eating most seedlings, which prevents regeneration. Nature conservationists and animal rights activists are distraught by them - mass hunts are both valiantly supported and vehemently opposed. I’m amazed that their presence can be so polarizing when all I see is something so serene.
Serene.
What does it mean to live in liminal space? Not just live, but mostly thrive. Yes- it speaks to their adaptibility, resourcefulness, and evolution, but also their ability to transcend. To live on the edges, on a border, within the in-between. The gentle deer looks at our fences, walls, or barriers and pass on through, on their way to sacred mountain.
There is so much more to say on deer- this is going to be an ongoing series.
Great writing!